Now I’m Completely Intense in my Defencee of my Difference-now I’m Completely Indifferent
von Jasmine Maddock (Copyright)
A study of dreams.
I met two floral decked boys on the way to no where
They greeted me with a bow and a shower of fragrance
Shrank to the small and crept inside my eyes
Stayed there beautiful and danced until I died
If you look closely at things far off you mistake them
For splendorous pretty youths bedecked in dazzling flowers
Asters, camellias, dahlias, passiflora purple divinity boys
Then as they draw nearer the magic sours
Rotten carcass pickled sickly malicious men and women
Smell of burnt flesh and goats, dressed in the same coats
All humans are covered in boring skin and inside are boring bones
Corpuscles, muscles, kidneys: Heartless marauding drones
I believe in nothing, I live out my lifeless days dazed
But a tiny pinhole of a crack screams out inside of me
Not very loud of course, cracks cannot shout very loud
That I must carry on drained, pained and maimed emotionally
I dream of bees, of wasps with cigarettes in their arses
In pink lipstick rooms with strange men by white windows
I dream of mazes and of running feared I feel the beads of sweat
Palpitating excruciating; the scare from which I froze
I see men with teeth like waylaid graveyard tombstones charred
Walking silent; prowling, the growling; it might be their empty stomachs
But they might just growl as that’s what weird men are supposed to do
To scare young maidens and princes and leave them wary and flummoxed
I hear my name called over the waves of the sea by the beach
Echoing, dancing over the fresh; white, salty foaming milk
The mermaid and men protect me from the human scurf
Pox-like and wormy they spread disaster from old age to birth
The birds talk their bird language all full of mystery and riddle
Provide a kind of company and punctuate the silent nothing
I listen and strain to make sense of the twittery flittery
But after a while it gets me feeling a bit jittery
I block out the sounds of the past in my present head
Threatening to take me over and pull me fully back into pain
I think of golden boys, winged and fragrant with dark hair
They fight to banish the morbid memories, of more I will gain.